I have so many story ideas I want to write and they keep coming to me in dreams. I would write down a new story from a dream and forget about the last story I was working on. “Death of a Gothic Lolita” is a story I started in high school 5 or 6 years ago. It’s about a Gothic Lolita that had a curse on her. She dies and is reborn like a Pheonix every year. But her death is very painful and takes months. So she spends the remainder of the story trying to figure out who put the curse on her and how to break it.
But later that year I had a time-traveling dream and I wanted to write about that instead. It was set in the future where time travel is a worldwide business. My main characters dad went missing on a mission and she’s trying to find him but the organization he worked for is telling her to stay out of it. Of course she not going to leave then to find him. So she continues and lots of crazy things happen, I don’t want to spoil too much.
I actually made a new years resolution to write and publish the time travel story by the end of the year. That didn’t happen. I think I got stuck trying to plot the whole thing out. Because with a time travel novel there are so many variables you have to figure out and it’s a daunting task to do alone.
While I was writing/ procrastinating on the time travel story I started thinking about yet another two stories that came to my head while I was writing a couple of prompt I found. The first prompt was “She stood there swinging her wand wildly and yelling the chant over and over. But no matter what she did the horse didn’t sprout and wings nor even a feather.”
With this prompt, I was thinking of a fantasy world based off African Mythology where these people are so connected to the God’s and Goddess they worship that they were granted magical powers. However, my main characters magic isn’t as strong as her sisters and she feels like she’ll never catch up to her sister’s greatness.
The second prompt was “The fire licked her fingers like a puppy welcoming an old friend.” With this prompt, I imagined my main character died in an accident but she was reborn as an Angel. But her guardian Angel was busy so he didn’t tell her until a few months after. So now she has to learn how to be an Angel.
And now after going to the Women in the Arts museum, I got some inspiration to create a comic featuring a black female lead. I have her name and her super powers but I don’t have an origin story for her or a plot yet.
I have five stories I want to write. And I want to write them all! But I should choose one and stick to it. And I think I’m going to start with “Death of a Gothic Lolita” since it was the first one that got me into writing in the first place.
I had a dream where I was doing spoken word in a bar, I think. I can’t remember the full poem that I said but the last lines went:
I am one girl
pretending to be many
I have no idea where that came from. I don’t think I read that somewhere. But it’s so true. I often changed my personality to fit in with certain groups of people when I was in high school. I was obsessed with finding my “click.” But no matter how hard I tried I felt like I could never fit in. That was probably depression. Making me feel like I don’t belong anywhere.
This dream got me thinking about making spoken word videos. I’ve been thinking about making a YouTube channel for years now but I keep changing what type of content I want to create. But now since I’m writing a book of poetry I feel like making a channel for spoken word seems to be a great way to build an audience.
If I do make a YouYube channel I would probably also make a Patreon because I’m literally a starving artist. But I will have to learn how to use Patreon and YouTube and together on top of learning how to self-publish and write better poetry. That’s a lot of learning I have to do.
This is probably my anxiety speaking but I’m starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the things I have to learn. And I feel like I’m all alone here. I don’t know how to reach out to other people for help. I feel like I’m trying to do too much at the same time and I don’t know what to focus on first.
I am learning so much about self-publishing and I haven’t spent a dime. I’m so proud of myself for making so much progress the past week. It has been a tough few months for me since I lost my job. I stopped going out, stopped applying for jobs, survived basically off tea and junk food. The fog was so heavy I thought it would never let up. But here I sit typing away and enjoying my day.
Since I have surpassed 30 followers on this blog I will be updating you all on my progress of The Fog – A Collection of Poetry About My Depression. I have already posted some of the poetry I’ll put in the collection but of course I won’t post everything. I will be self-publishing it under the pen name Aurea Fae instead of Tentai Furea. It’s a long story. I might tell in in another post. Also, I’ll be publishing this and possible future collections under the Fictitious Business Name A Light in the Dark.
There is still much for me to learn about being a writer and self-published author. But for once in my life, I don’t feel discouraged at this task. I’m actually enjoying the journey.
It’s been a while since I set some goals. And I think it’s about time I start trying again. I’ve never been good at it. I always loose track or motivation and give up. But I do have something I want to do with my life. And that is to become a Writer. That means I need to set some goals for myself as a Writer.
I have so many book ideas that I have to get out there. And they keep coming to me in dreams and random sparks of creativity. So I’m taking this as a sign that I was meant to be a Writer. I don’t care about making money from my writing. I just want to tell stories because I know how important they are to readers like me. Stories for me are an escape from the day to day shitstorm called life. Where I can be someone else and go on adventures with people I identify with in beautiful worlds.
I am still rather new to this writing lifestyle and art form. There is much I need to learn besides writing: Marketing, Business, Social Media Management, Self and Traditional Publishing, Communications, Ebook and Paperback Design and Formatting. I think that’s just naming a few. Just thinking about it is a little but overwhelming. If the fog was stronger I definitely would have deleted this post. Good thing it’s still resting.
I have to find a goal system that works for me even when the fog is heavy. Something to keep me motivated to keep writing and learning. I have seen a couple of writers that do quarterly goals and post them on youtube. It works for them because they put themselves in the spotlight and they have to tell all of their viewers and subscribers if they did all their goals, some or none of them. I know that would work for me because I hate disappointing people. But at the same time, I’m too hard on myself when I do disappoint people.
The only other option is to do it for me. And my future readers. I have to do it because I want a better, more fulfilled life for myself. I have to do it to become someones light in the dark, or their escape into a new world. I want to be able to live on my own and be financially free. I want to tell these stories because I know someone out there might need it. I want to connect with like-minded readers and writers. So I won’t feel so alone all the time. So my readers won’t feel so alone all the time.
I’m going to do this for us.