i lie awake
locked away
left alone
to wonder

who am i?

i lie awake
left alone
too lost
to remember

who i was

i lie awake
left alone
its too dark
to see

who i am?

i lie awake
left alone
locked away
for too long

i forgot
where i put
the key

if there was
a mirror
and light
would i be
able to

or would i
see a stranger
staring back at me?


Hello. It’s been a while.

I don’t know how long exactly. All I know is that it’s a new year and I’m not exactly the same person I was. Or so I like to tell myself. I think I changed. But I’m not really sure. I mean, I didn’t really know myself a whole lot before so… It’s hard to measure change I learned a lot about myself… I think…

Depression has been easier to deal with. That much I do know. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts in a couple months. I haven’t been to Therapy or CBT in a couple months either. It’s too cold… I don’t like being cold. But I found a schedule I like.

I wake up at around 8-9am and have coffee or tea downstairs and start learning how to freelance. I started learning Web Dev and I really like love it. Which is why I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been feeling the creative writing energy lately. Or any creative juices for that matter. I guess I needed a creative break.

But I miss writing. I miss expressing myself with words. And I miss connecting with people with my poetry. So I’m going to try and pick it back up. Work The Fog and finally publish it before November.

But right now it’s 12:42am and I’m exhausted. Learning how to code takes a lot of energy out of you…

my sun

there is an absence of light
without you here
i am bathed in perpetual
darkness until you return
but you rarely come
just when im about to give
up on seeing your rays
you pop back into my life
blinding me for a split second
but my eyes always adjust
it takes awhile, but they do
i melt in your arms
i soak up your light
feasting like a starved plant


i wrote this poem 3 weeks ago but ive been so drained of energy that i haven’t posted it anywhere until today

Good Morning

there’s something dramatic about
the first thing I see in the morning

looking up through the blinds
the sky filtering through an ethereal
haze of sleep wondering for a split second
when did I fall asleep last night
what was I just dreaming about
was that even a dream
it definitely was a dream

the dream fades from memory
and I realize I’m staring up at
the sky; lying on my side
through the blinds half open
head twisted almost painfully
to get a glimpse of the
the new day’s sky
with bits of green swirling
around almost like a vortex
wondering what important thing
I’m supposed to be doing and
ways to avoid doing that thing
because it’s not what I want to do

and I’m sucked into the darkness
I feel heavy with — regret?
maybe — no — a numbing anxiety

like when your extremities tingle
when they fall asleep and
you shake them trying to get the
feeling to return but for me
it doesn’t even after I stretch
and plant my feet on the ground
finally after lying here for almost
thirty minutes of pondering
the meaning of life; my life

not having an existential crisis
but just thinking about why
I woke up earlier than usual today
like I have some grand plan
to fix everything I broke

I shrug stretch and yawn out of my
pessimistic mindset to restart
the day with a hot cup of green
tea with jasmine – one of my favorites –
that I counter attacks the depression
that tries to land on my shoulders
that weighs me down every morning
it does this every morning
not today because I’m stronger now

clears throat– I said;
I’m. Stronger. Now.

I’m stronger today
I reverberate back into
the darkness that tries
again and again to land on my
shoulder and I sip my
green with jasmine tea
the go-to drink when
I need to restart my
morning so I can
get things done

I don’t have a plan to fix
everything that I broke
but I have an idea of what
I want to do to heal my
self-inflicted memories;
I thought I buried those
a long time ago;
that began to resurface
disrupting my fragile peace
of mind throwing stones
generating ripples in my
facade for what seems to be
weeks — months — years

I continue to act as though
I was never hurt by anyone
other than myself; it was
no one’s fault but my
own; I am the only one
to blame because I could have
avoided the things that hurt me

but no; I was naive and believe
in the goodness of peoples
hearts and souls but they
proved to be the monsters
that were hidden under
my bed in the shadows
just waiting for my guard
to go down and attack
my heart on my sleeve

I was foolish to believe
But I continued to be


Fog Prologue

not a cloud in sight
my eyes quiver in the sunlight
my limbs stay frozen try as I might

overcast blocks the sun rays
I need to survive today’s
murky waters as I graze
the world a perpetual haze

the birds sing a delightful tune
still — I lie here swoon
wishing for the moon to prune
the garden in which I loom
my feet find ground in the afternoon

the fog obscures my vision
it cloaks me devouring my ambition
despite my opposition
I’m not in the position
to be my own physician

I suffer alone in my garden overgrown


the way you look up at me lying in my lap

     that smile you give when our eyes meet

     the way you grab my hand and kiss it softly

     and place it atop your head

     then you close your eyes

     that smile

     melts a little bit with each breath

     as my fingers dance in your hair

     while you savor every step

     to the rhythm of your soft breath

     your head getting heavier as

     you drift to sleep still lying in my lap


via Daily Prompt: Savor


i wanted to be real

so i picked up the quill

and swallowed the pill


dreams become reality

reality becomes dreams

everything it not what it seems


endless chatter in my head

some of them wishing i were dead

but i keep writing with the quill


pouring my thoughts on the page

they splash full of rage

towards myself


but i keep writing with the quill

stabbing myself with memories

i bleed words of regret


i got rain on repeat on my brain

i never stops

so i let it soak me and my thoughts


quill runs dry

but my story is just getting started

yet i finish the first book


and breath


via Daily Prompt: Quill



of all the flowers, you plucked me

with my dying petals

and my dried up roots

and my fading colors

you plucked and replanted me in your garden

careful not to let my roots crumble to dust

collecting my fallen petals

watering me daily so my color returns

you plucked me from darkness

and showered me in your light

where shine almost as bright as you

but i still wonder why you chose me


via Daily Prompt: Pluck