I wanted to write something earlier but I had no Idea what I wanted to write. I tried to think up some poetry but I have no idea how I feel. I wanted to read a book but I couldn’t focus on anything today. So I just watched random videos. Scrolled through Tumblr. Watched some anime and played video games. I feel like a failure because I didn’t do anything productive.
I guess it’s this lazy Sunday weather. Too hot to think about doing anything. Too beautiful do spend it alone in the house. But also no money to go anywhere with friends. I’m tired of being broke and lonely. I wish I lived with my boyfriend but I don’t want him to have to pay for everything alone.
I’ve tried to get a job but that’s not working out for me. I’m trying to write and publish a book of poetry but depression and anxiety keep holding me back. Keeping me from writing because it’s painful. Keeping me from learning because it’s overwhelming. Keeping me from trying because it’s too much to think about on my own.
Tomorrow will be a new day. A fresh start. Tomorrow I will be more motivated to write and learn. Tomorrow I will do something other than sulk in the house. Tomorrow I will enjoy the beautiful weather.
Tomorrow I Will!
It’s been a while since I set some goals. And I think it’s about time I start trying again. I’ve never been good at it. I always loose track or motivation and give up. But I do have something I want to do with my life. And that is to become a Writer. That means I need to set some goals for myself as a Writer.
I have so many book ideas that I have to get out there. And they keep coming to me in dreams and random sparks of creativity. So I’m taking this as a sign that I was meant to be a Writer. I don’t care about making money from my writing. I just want to tell stories because I know how important they are to readers like me. Stories for me are an escape from the day to day shitstorm called life. Where I can be someone else and go on adventures with people I identify with in beautiful worlds.
I am still rather new to this writing lifestyle and art form. There is much I need to learn besides writing: Marketing, Business, Social Media Management, Self and Traditional Publishing, Communications, Ebook and Paperback Design and Formatting. I think that’s just naming a few. Just thinking about it is a little but overwhelming. If the fog was stronger I definitely would have deleted this post. Good thing it’s still resting.
I have to find a goal system that works for me even when the fog is heavy. Something to keep me motivated to keep writing and learning. I have seen a couple of writers that do quarterly goals and post them on youtube. It works for them because they put themselves in the spotlight and they have to tell all of their viewers and subscribers if they did all their goals, some or none of them. I know that would work for me because I hate disappointing people. But at the same time, I’m too hard on myself when I do disappoint people.
The only other option is to do it for me. And my future readers. I have to do it because I want a better, more fulfilled life for myself. I have to do it to become someones light in the dark, or their escape into a new world. I want to be able to live on my own and be financially free. I want to tell these stories because I know someone out there might need it. I want to connect with like-minded readers and writers. So I won’t feel so alone all the time. So my readers won’t feel so alone all the time.
I’m going to do this for us.
Sometimes the world is a fucked up place. And sometimes there ain’t shit we can do about it. We are forced to play the cards were dealt. And we have to struggle. But you know what? The world is a constantly evolving place. Ideas change. Tradition’s change. People change too.
There are people out there that help others fight their demons. Some are even fighting their own. And that’s the most beautiful thing about this world and humanity. Stay strong and keep your head above the fog for as long as you can. And always try to love yourself first. Remember that there is someone out there that will listen, be your shoulder to cry on, and love you.
“Gotta have opposites, light and dark and dark and light, in painting. It’s like in life. Gotta have a little sadness once in awhile so you know when the good times come. I’m waiting on the good times now.” – Bob Ross