Black Queer Creative

Hello World, I think it’s time to reintroduce myself. My name is Aurea Fae and I am an African-American, Bisexual, Writer, Poet, and an Artist. It has taken me far too long to realize what I was born to do. Things got in the way, distracted me, held me down and I just let it happen. But not anymore.

For years I have been battling Depression and Anxiety “alone.” For years I allowed them to hold me back from achieving anything I want in my life. I kept it all inside and that has to come to a stop now. For years I let them talk me out of even trying something new. But not anymore.

All my life I lied to my parents out of fear they wouldn’t be proud of me. Or fear that I would disappoint them by not doing what they want me to do. By not being the daughter they wanted me to be. I have kept too many secrets from them. For fear that they wouldn’t even care or wouldn’t believe me. But not anymore.

For far too long I have been dishonest with myself. Listening to self-doubts. Believing that I have no purpose in life. And settling for whatever I can get. But not anymore.

Today is the day where everything changes. My mindset, my goals, my plans. Everything. I understand it won’t happen overnight. I will continue my battle Depression and Anxiety. I will get frustrated with my parents when I try to explain to them Who I am, What I want to do in life and How I need them to help me. I will have to face my fears head on. I will struggle to trust myself and my strength. I will have to find my voice and shout.

I will fall many times. I will get back up, dust myself off and keep moving forward out of this long dark tunnel.

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It’s Time I Changed My Life

The other night I had a dream about an ostrich chasing my boyfriend I while we were at school. It was really weird and random so I had to look up the meaning. Yes, I’m one of those people who wants to know what secrets my dreams hold. I do not think all dreams are totally random. I don’t know who gives you your dreams, could be a Goddess/God or Mr. Sandman, but they give them for a reason most of the time.

“If you see an ostrich running, it means that you have a sense of purpose in life in order to fulfill your plans.” – Globe Views

This dream couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I made a resolution to myself a few days ago that I will get my own place, specifically a tiny house, very soon and work on my writing and art while I do so. I’ve been slacking on this for far too long. It’s time I put a plan together. I can no longer live like this.

The other day I went to my cousins High School Graduation and the speakers there gave me a burst of inspiration and motivation to do just that. There was a preacher there that talked about “What you see is what you get.” However he wasn’t talking about seeing with your eyes, he was talking about seeing with your heart and passion. It changed my perspective completely.

Last night I went to the Women in the Art’s Freash Talk for Change event and I had a powerful moment that lit a torch in my soul to work even harder for my goals. I even got to talk with Ashley A. Woods, the artist, and creator of Niobe: She Is Life!!!

I had an amazing experience at the Fresh Talk for Change at the Women in the Arts museum. I had to talk to Ashley Woods because I really felt connected to her. I feel like I know her from somewhere. But anyway, in her talk she touched briefly about being depressed and suicidal while broke and jobless. Which is where I am right now.

I’m not suicidal but I’m scared that I might be going that direction. I’m at that crossroads where my parents want me to go one way but I want to go a different way. And I’m stuck. Unsure of which way is the right way. I feel in my heart and soul that going the artistic and writing route then I will be happy with my success. But if I go my parent’s route I’ll be miserable and I’ll keep putting my artistic goals on the back burner.

I actually broke down in tears when I went up to her. That was probably the free drinks I had. Three, to be exact. I’m so embarrassed for that but she was so kind and sat with me as a cried and rant about where I am in life. I’m so honored for her time and compassion.

The Fog whispers in the back of my head asking me if I really deserve her attention. 

The fact that she even said she would help me in any way she can is incredibly uplifting. But I don’t even know where to begin to ask for help in. There’s so much I have to do and I feel like theyre all equally important.

Writing and Editing, Marketing, Self-Publishing, and so much more. They all seem so important and I’m trying to do learn all at once. Obviously, that’s too overwhelming for me. That will be the first thing I ask her. “Where do I even start?” And “how do I create a plan that I know I will stick to?” Because I’ve never been constant with making and sticking with plans.

I finally feel like things will get better for me. I finally have that fire in my belly to stay constant with my goals. I finally feel like I’m winning the battle between me and The Fog.

For Us

It’s been a while since I set some goals. And I think it’s about time I start trying again. I’ve never been good at it. I always loose track or motivation and give up. But I do have something I want to do with my life. And that is to become a Writer. That means I need to set some goals for myself as a Writer.

I have so many book ideas that I have to get out there. And they keep coming to me in dreams and random sparks of creativity. So I’m taking this as a sign that I was meant to be a Writer. I don’t care about making money from my writing. I just want to tell stories because I know how important they are to readers like me. Stories for me are an escape from the day to day shitstorm called life. Where I can be someone else and go on adventures with people I identify with in beautiful worlds.

I am still rather new to this writing lifestyle and art form. There is much I need to learn besides writing: Marketing, Business, Social Media Management, Self and Traditional Publishing, Communications, Ebook and Paperback Design and Formatting. I think that’s just naming a few. Just thinking about it is a little but overwhelming. If the fog was stronger I definitely would have deleted this post. Good thing it’s still resting.

I have to find a goal system that works for me even when the fog is heavy. Something to keep me motivated to keep writing and learning. I have seen a couple of writers that do quarterly goals and post them on youtube. It works for them because they put themselves in the spotlight and they have to tell all of their viewers and subscribers if they did all their goals, some or none of them. I know that would work for me because I hate disappointing people. But at the same time, I’m too hard on myself when I do disappoint people.

The only other option is to do it for me. And my future readers. I have to do it because I want a better, more fulfilled life for myself. I have to do it to become someones light in the dark, or their escape into a new world. I want to be able to live on my own and be financially free. I want to tell these stories because I know someone out there might need it. I want to connect with like-minded readers and writers. So I won’t feel so alone all the time. So my readers won’t feel so alone all the time.

I’m going to do this for us.