I’m Trying

I forgot what I was doing all this for. Writing poetry and blogging. I forgot why I started. Or perhaps I just didn’t have an initial reason. This is definitely the depression talking but I feel like giving up. Trying to explain now I feel to someone who doesn’t live inside my head is just too exhausting. I don’t feel like doing it anymore. Because when I do my parents still don’t understand and ask too much from me. I’m tired of working up the nerve and courage to keep trying to explain and not going anywhere.

But depression is so important to understand. And I can’t give up in trying to explain it. My life and the lives of millions of people are at stake. And depression is so misunderstood. I have to keep trying to get people to see what it really is and help them help those who need it.

I feel so stuck. Like I’m sinking further into quicksand and I’m not even trying to get out of it. I’ve been feeling more and more inclined to flip out, throw things and scream. But I’m scared of losing control and hurting myself or someone else. And I don’t want to be sent off to a mental institute because I’m a danger to myself and others. But I don’t know what else to do right now. I feel like everything I’ve been working towards since I started this blog and since I started learning self-publishing is going down the drain.

I feel like everything I’ve been working towards since I started this blog and since I started learning self-publishing is going down the drain. Because for the past few days I haven’t had the energy to get up and take care of myself let alone write something. And no one understands how hard it was for me to get up and do things. But I started going to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy yesterday and I’m learning how to manage it as well as learning how to talk about it. Hopefully, I’ll won’t miss any appointments.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Trying

  1. You are trying and that’s what’s important. It’ll get better, I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it will. Keep trying.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I know the feeling, and it seems like you’ve already built up a fast following of readers and supporters. You’re not alone in this and the fact that you are willing to try is all that matters. Go at your own pace and over time you’ll get there.

    Like

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