Excuse me while I ramble

I still don’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere. But my dad is in his cleaning happy mood early in the morning so I have to clean the bathroom. I guess since I’ll be in a separate room I can have some peace and quiet. If only his music wasn’t so loud. I would ask him to turn it down but then I’ll have to talk and I don’t feel like doing that.

I’ve been waking up the past few days with a dry throat. Like I’m not drinking enough water. But I know I am. I don’t drink a gallon but I’ll drink multiple glasses a day. I don’t know how many exactly. I should start keeping count.

I didn’t get much sleep last night. I actually stayed up until 5 am and it’s almost 8 now. Been up since my dad turned his music on. At least he’s not blasting rock or metal. That would have pissed me off. Not like I don’t like rock or metal I do. It would just irritate me if he was blasting it while I’m sleeping. But I feel like I can’t get mad at him. This is his home. I’m not paying for it. He can do whatever he wants and I can always leave.

I really want to leave. And never come back. If I had the money I would build myself a small house on a trailer and go everywhere. Somewhere comfortable and quiet where I can be free. That’s all I’ve ever wanted in life. I was never the type to fuss over money and things because I already knew that they didn’t give me any long term satisfaction. But living in nature away from all this fake stuff sure would.

But of course I would get lonely and I can’t even think about going anywhere without my boyfriend. Who I’m jealous of by the way. Not like jealous where I can’t stand being around him though. I’m just jealous he has the life I always dreamed of.

He lived in a house all his life. He’s a talented musician. He grew up fostering his love for cars and got a job doing what he enjoys. He didn’t have to go to college so he’s not in debt. He has friends he can call and hang with anytime he wants. He doesn’t have anxiety or depression. Oh and he gets paid time off. He’s not perfect I know but his life sure is better than mine. I wouldn’t trade places with him tho. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. Not even someone I truly hated.

I’m tired of sleeping on this hard futon. I’m so stiff when I get up. There’s no comfortable way to lie on this thing. My back, shoulders, hips, and jaw hurt and feel stiff if the morning and all day. I suppose that means I have to start doing yoga again. I keep looking at my yoga mat and I want to do yoga again. I just don’t have the energy. And I know yoga will give me a boost in energy. It’s just really hard to start again. A body at rest wants to stay at rest.

My dads out doing whatever. I don’t know how much time I have to myself but I sure do wish it could stay this quiet all day. I think I rambled enough. I going to eat and try to do something productive today.

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